


When Is It My Time To Be Happy?

by artbyweb86



Category: 9-1-1 (TV)
Genre: Angst, Athena Grant and Bobby Nash are Evan "Buck" Buckley's Parents, Buck and Eddie if you squint, Buck deserves to be happy, Buck's real parents are terrible people, Eddie comes to the rescue, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Evan "Buck" Buckley Needs A Hug, Gen, Heavy Conversations, Implied/Referenced Suicide, M/M, Mental Breakdown, Protective Athena Grant, Protective Bobby Nash, Sad Evan "Buck" Buckley
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-29
Updated: 2020-12-29
Packaged: 2021-03-10 23:55:49
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,124
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28385874
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/artbyweb86/pseuds/artbyweb86
Summary: Buck has a breakdown after a party at the Grant-Nash household. Athena and Bobby are there for him and help him realize some things. Eddie comes into the picture later.
Relationships: Evan "Buck" Buckley & Athena Grant, Evan "Buck" Buckley & Bobby Nash, Evan "Buck" Buckley/Eddie Diaz (9-1-1 TV), Evan “Buck” Buckley & Eddie Diaz (9-1-1 TV)
Comments: 7
Kudos: 359
Collections: 9-1-1 Tales





	When Is It My Time To Be Happy?

Maddie’s baby shower had been held at the Grant-Nash household. The 118 family and the usual faces from the dispatch center had also attended. 

Buck hadn’t really felt more alone than he did than in the moment they announced game time. Pair up with a partner for competitions. Normally he would pair up with Eddie at certain functions, but Christopher took his place. He might have chosen Josh since they got along at Maddie and Chim’s that one time. But Josh came with his boyfriend. One that treated him well. Thank God for that. He was paired with Sue, Maddie’s supervisor, since her husband couldn’t attend. He didn't mind that. They did well in some of the tasks and had a good time. He just felt like the odd man out.

The party was now long over and the guests had gone home, except for Buck. He had volunteered to help clean up. He had had a few drinks during the party, so he would have to call for an Uber. Also an excuse to delay going to an empty apartment.

Athena was grateful for the help as Bobby had to finish up some paperwork.

Buck tossed the last of the bags into the trash and grabbed another beer before stepping out onto the porch, just staring out at the twinkling lights.

Athena stepped outside and stood next to him.

“Buckaroo? You OK? You’ve been unusually quiet this evening. I could tell you weren’t really into the game. Normally it’s just for the women, but Maddie and Chim insisted the family be part of it.”

“I’m ok, Athena.”

“I’m not buying that for one minute.”

Buck just took another sip of his beer, then sighed.

“I’m tired.”

“Ok. You can stay here for the night. The guest room is ready for you.”

He looked at Athena. She was smiling, but with an eyebrow raised. She was offering sanctuary, but with a little bit of a catch.

Even though it wasn’t cold out, he felt a shiver run through his body.

Athena noticed. Of course she noticed. She touched his arm in concern.

“Evan? You’re shivering! Come inside. I’ll make you some tea.”

She guided him to the couch and threw a blanket over his shoulders before putting on the kettle for their tea.

He leaned his head back on the couch and listened to Athena moving around the kitchen and the light classical music trickled in from Bobby’s office down the hall.

The kettle whistled and Athena poured two cups, leaving the third one next to the stove. And if on cue, Bobby made his way into the kitchen, just as she was sitting down next to Buck.

“Take a break, hon. Pour yourself a cup and sit with us. Buck is feeling sad and he is ready to talk. I think you should be here for this too.”

Bobby frowned, quickly made his drink and sat on the couch next to Buck.

Buck kept his eyes closed, just listening to the people beside him breath.

He repeated. “I’m tired, Athena.”

“You said that Evan. Can you elaborate more? Talk it out, even if it doesn’t make sense. We can help you navigate it.”

Buck sighed. “Just tired of being me.”

Bobby sucked in a breath.

“Are you thinking of hurting yourself?”

Buck’s eyes flew open. 

“What? No! No.” He scrubbed his face. 

Athena placed a hand on his shoulder in response.

“That came out wrong. I’m just tired of being hurt, of rejection, of everyone worrying about me. I always feel like a burden."

“We do worry about you. Just like any parent would. Your friends care about you. I think you would agree on that.”

“That’s the thing, Bobby. My parents don’t.”

“They don’t what?”

“Care about me.”

“That can’t be true. They came last month, right? I know you said it was awkward, but because you hadn’t seen them in a while.”

“They came to see Maddie. For the baby. I knew on some level, that they didn’t really like me. They weren’t hands on. Like you two with May and Harry. Maddie took care of me until she left for college. At dinner, they said they were disappointed in me, or wished I had been a girl, or something but I stopped listening at that point. I blew up at them. I was so angry. They didn't care. Just told me to pipe down and be grateful. Don’t know why they even had kids, to be honest.”

Athena sat back and glanced at Bobby, who was shaking his head in disbelief. Anger evident there.

“Is that why you were having a fight with the punching bag at the station?”

Buck just nodded. A tear escaping down his cheek.

"I just want someone to tell me that they love me and that they won't leave. Wow, that sounded pathetic in my head and out loud. What is wrong with me?"

Athena wiped the tear.

"Absolutely nothing, Buck. It's your parents loss that they can't see what an amazing man you have become. And you now know what you want. There aren't many people who can figure that out so early in life. I thought I had it with Michael, but life chose a different path for me. And look how its turned out so far."

Bobby was nodding his head in agreement.

"Buck, you know about my old life. I didn't realize how good I had it, until I lost everything. I let drinking get in the way of that. I transferred here to start fresh, but I still had demons. I've only told this to a few people. This doesn't leave here, got it?" Buck nodded, brows furrowed in concern. He attention all on Bobby. Athena holding Buck's hand. "I was planning on killing myself after I saved a certain amount of people. The number in the black book you found. I almost punched you for finding it. That number was the same for the people who died in the fire for my mistake. So, I punished myself for it. Eventually a few people screwed my head on straight and I saw how selfish that was."

"I'm so sorry, Bobby. I didn't know you were suffering that badly. My problems seem tiny in comparison."

"I'm working through it still, Buck. But, it's easier to live with. I have a support system. Family here and at the 118. That's why I hired you back."

"But I was a pain in your ass. I don't even know why you gave me a second chance. I really didn't deserve it. How do you know what I want, when I don't even know. Seriously, when is it my time to be happy?"

"You were, but I saw something in you. I knew you could rise to the challenge. And what you want is a family, right?"

Buck nodded.

"And how I came to that conclusion is that after your self-diagnosis of sex addict, you wanted to change. Abby was that for you. She got you part way. Alli got you to the commitment part. She couldn't be your support system, but you know you want that."

Buck huffed out a breath and ran a hand through his hair.

"I really want someone to take care of, you know? All I ever feel is people worrying and taking care of me. It doesn't seem right."

"Oh, son. I think you have blinders on. The opposite is true."

When she got a confused stare, she just chuckled and continued on.

"You take care of everyone. You helped Bobby after his relapse. You helped Eddie when he first got here and struggled with Chris's care and continue to do so. You probably don't even know how grateful he is. You've offered to give rides to the kids when I was recovering. You were the brains behind the Christmas surprise at the station. Hell, you helped Red. A man who you only knew for a little bit and made his dying wish come true. But you never ask for anything in return. You almost shy away from it, as if you don't deserve it. But you most definitely deserve it."

Buck's eyes got wide as he absorbed everything she just said. His breath hitched and he hid his face in his hands.

"Wow, wow, wow. This has been the best therapy session, not to minimize what we just discussed. I haven't had such a break though, not even with Frank."

Bobby squeezed his shoulder. "I thought you said his sessions were working. What have you been talking about, if you don't mind me asking."

Buck just slumped forward, his elbows on his knees, chin in his hands. Suddenly more tired than before. They had unpacked a lot.

"Just my overwhelming guilt from the aftermath of the tsunami. And the nightmares. I've gotten better though."

"My baby boy. You've really had a rough couple of years. I don't know how you kept it together this long without breaking down. Can I give you a hug? When's the last time you had a proper hug?"

Buck's eyes got watery. "We hugged earlier at the beginning of the party."

"Pssh, that's just a courtesy thing. No. A proper hug that you feel in your bones."

Tears falling freely down Buck's cheeks. He shook his head. "I don't know, Athena. I really don't know."

"Well, that won't do. Up. Proper hugs are given standing up."

Buck let out a half laugh half sob and stood up. Athena wrapped her arms around his waist and he around his shoulders and just squeezed. Bobby stepped in and enveloped Buck from behind. Buck laughed when they almost tipped over. He turned around and let Bobby give him a proper hug too.

"Thanks, I needed that."

"I think we all did. Sit, let's just have our tea and be here for each other."

Bobby freshened up their cups and they sat. The classical music still floating in from Bobby's office, lulling them in calm.

Athena ran her fingers through Buck's hair.

"Your hair is getting long, I see your curls coming through."

Buck kept his eyes closed, but smiled.

"i haven't had a chance to cut it. Eddie says he likes them. Makes me look younger. Says I am too serious sometimes. This should help. Don't know how that works. But I may keep it for a while."

Athena hummed and with sparkling eyes, glanced at Bobby who had a knowing smile.

Bobby got up and took out the finger sandwiches from the party and put them out on the coffee table. Buck took a couple and silently ate. He started dozing off. Athena draped the blanket over him and started cleaning up the kitchen.

The door bell rings a few minutes later. Bobby gets up to get it.

Eddie is standing there. Hands behind his back. Looking somewhat serious.

“Eddie? Everything ok?”

He stepped into the living room where he noticed Buck, who had blearily opened his eyes.

“I forgot something.”

The man looked exhausted, but gave a bright smile when he noticed him.

“What did you forget Eddie? I cleaned up everything. I don’t remember seeing anything left behind.”

“You.”

Buck’s face squinted in confusion. 

“Me?”

“Yeah. Chris is at a sleepover. I missed hanging out with you at the party. Thought we could make up for it.”

“Oh.

Eddie moved the couch and held out his hand and hoisted Buck out of the seat. Eddie wrapped his arm around Buck’s side. Buck just leaned into his touch, now smiling like he didn't just have a life altering conversation only moments ago.

“You have everything, Ev?”

“Yeah.”

“One syllable answers. You really must be tired.”

“Umhmm.”

“I was going to suggest an action movie, but maybe something calmer and you can crash with me.”

“Ok.”

"Did you eat? We can pick up something on the way home."

"Burgers?"

They had moved to the front door. Eddie doing most of the talking, pulling a sleepy Buck along with him.

Athena just smiled.

“Good night, boys!”

“Night, ‘Thena!” They both called out at the same time before continuing the mostly one sided conversation out the door.

Bobby pulled Athena into a hug and pressed a kiss to her cheek.

She glanced up at him with a look.

“What? I didn’t call him. He only texted me a little while ago to see if he was still here. I didn't say anything else.” He put his hands up in innocence.

She smiled and look back at the door, hearing the car start up.

"You think he knows?"

"I think he is getting there. This conversation will definitely help."

“Good. Then I think Buck will be just fine.”


End file.
